If you have ever wondered what a speed dating event was like but was too nervous or intimidated to try, GO FOR IT!

Last night, a group of men and women gathered at a local Starbucks to meet each other for a series of 6 minute mini-dates and I was one of them.

 

This particular event had been re-scheduled a couple of times for lack of participants. Summertime, vacations, economy or whatever has lowered the number of signups but usually, these events bring  from 12 to 18 or more couples a time.

 

Ours was a smaller group, 5 women and 5 men but still worth it as I met some interesting people and always enjoy stretching myself outside of my comfort zone.

 

When I arrived, the attendees were gathering in the back of Starbucks checking in. The hostess told us to go purchase something to drink, if we’d like, and we’d be starting promptly at 7:00 pm.

Events are held at coffee shops, upper scale restaurants, trendy clubs…pretty much anywhere the host or hostess feels would be a good environment for people to meet and mingle.

 

We all received nametags with our name and a number printed on them and the ladies were told to take a seat at one of the two person tables. The ladies would stay at the same table all evening while the men would get up and rotate for each ‘date’.

 

At each table were preprinted cards and pens. The card was numbered with spaces following each number. When you meet each date, you write their name next to their corresponding number.

 

There was also a space to write notes about that person. Anything that stood out about them that you liked or perhaps didn’t like that would help you remember them later.

Then there were two boxes, “Let’s talk” and “No thanks” for you to circle.

 

After the event, you take your card home, sign in online at the website you registered for the event, and enter your match selections. The person’s name is listed online with a ‘yes’, or ‘no’, next to it.

 

Once you have entered your match selections, the men/women who want to see each other again, will be notified by email. If someone chose you, but you did not choose them, you are notified by email and have 5 days to reconsider them and vice-versa.

 

The interesting stuff….

 

The theory is that people can generally tell within 3-5 minutes if they have initial, general attraction to each other. Therefore, with speed dating, you have the opportunity to meet many people in one evening, instead of spending an evening with only one man/woman to find out that you feel absolutely zero chemistry.

 

Speed dating is a light, casual, fun, no pressure venture and it works. Our hostess, a married woman, has been hosting events for over three years. She is a busy, working woman with a life of her own but continues to host speed dating events because as she puts it, “I love to see the positives that come from it”, “I believe in it because I’ve seen couples find each other and I’ve seen marriages happen”, she went on to say that, “Everyone comes with a positive attitude and has fun with it”, and “everyone is always welcoming and polite to each other”.

 

And let’s face it, to attend a speed dating event, you have to search online for one in your area, register and pay a fee, (I paid $35.00), save the date, get dressed up, bring your smiling face and show up to spend 6 minutes with as many men/women who came. Then you have to login online and fill in your match selections. If someone were not all that serious about finding a partner, they wouldn’t put out that effort. At least not more than once or twice.

 

Our hostess said that one man who was supposed to have attended our event was called out of town on business. She said he is an attractive, professional man and has attended several of her events. He hasn’t met the one yet, but keeps coming back because he loves the ability to meet so many women at once, in person. He doesn’t care for the impersonal quality of online dating and picking someone up at a nightclub is not his style.

 

And this is what I found to be true. Genuine, friendly and outgoing people….I admit, I wondered what the women would be like. Would they be catty, flashing each other competitive glances and sizing each other up? No, these women were friendly and kind and even before the event we all started chatting with each other, the men too.

 

One women I spoke with said she attended another event and found the same thing, “The women were all friendly and kind to each other with no snarky attitudes, I was so pleasantly surprised.”

 

On to the dates….while I DID, in fact, know in 3 minutes or less that there were no love connections happening for me, I met some interesting men. When you sit for 6 minutes with a stranger, you become acutely aware of your own body language and theirs. This was the most interesting part for me. I tend to watch body language anyway because it speaks volumes more than words, and perhaps because we all knew we had limited time, our bodies unconsciously spoke-up more than usual perhaps.

 

You can ask and share whatever you want and if you have deal breakers, it might be a good time to get it out there. One man sat down with me and immediately asked if I was a smoker. Clearly a deal breaker for him.

 

Of the questions asked of me, the ones that stand out are:

 

What do you do for a living?

What are your vices?

What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Why did you get divorced? (not a question I’d recommend)

 

And the question I liked the most….What is the one thing about you that you’d like me to know?

I liked that question so much, I asked it of the following men who joined me.

 

At the end of each 6 minute date, the hostess rings a bell and the men rotate to the next woman.

 

After the event all the ladies decided to walk down to the restaurant/bar that was in the same strip mall. We were strangers with one thing in common, we were all single, working women looking for eligible men to date. And that was enough to begin friendships.

 

The men must have overheard our plans, because after 5 minutes of taking our seats, they all walked in and joined us. We had a fun and lighthearted evening continuing to get to know each other and if my high powered body language perceptions are accurate, I think I detected one match forming out of our group!

 

 

How about you? Ever try speed dating? What did you think?

 

6 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach — August 6, 2009 @ 2:32 pm

   Have not tried it, but sounds like a lot of fun!! Thanks for sharing!

2. 

   Comment by Mike — August 6, 2009 @ 8:17 pm

   Never tried. Love reading about people’s experiences with them. Yours was the most normal I’ve very heard.

3. 

   Comment by Seductress — August 7, 2009 @ 8:57 am

   Welcome Mikko!

   Mike, It was very normal! I can’t speak for all events but it’s worth a try. One way to look at it is, if things don’t go well….there is always a funny story to tell.

4. 

   Comment by Kirsten — August 8, 2009 @ 1:07 am

   I like the way you approached it, beyond just meeting men, it was about meeting people. I think that’s pretty important. Because any new experience could lead to more new experiences, and new people. That’s a really interesting way to look at it and it makes me want to rethink attending.

5. 

   Comment by George — August 13, 2009 @ 6:55 am

   I have never done speed dating and up until now I don’t think I would have tried either, but you’ve changed my mind. You made it sound pretty interesting, as Kirsten said, you made it more about meeting people not just dates, which sounds relaxing and enjoyable.

   Thanks Seductress!

6. 

   Comment by *Juliette* — September 16, 2009 @ 7:34 am

   I tried it a few days ago with disappointing results. I think it only works when enough people sign up. There seems to be a scarcity of men and the numbers were very uneven.

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