Comments on: Heat Up His Desire–Inflict Pain

By: Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach

Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:26:40 +0000

There is a lot of wisdom to this post! I agree men want to be in control in a sense that they want to feel like they make decisions for themselves. In truth, women want that too. Women do not want a guy she has to make decisions to either.

I think when women make sure that they are having a good time no matter what they are doing, whether it is to go out with her friends rather than hanging out with him and his friends, in the end every one will be happier.

And yes, guys always perform the best when they feel like they have to. That is why it is usually the men who are making their Christmas shopping at the last minute a day before the eve :).

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 19:03:21 +0000

We may not like it ladies, but men want the control. Ok, let ‘em have it. But go on living your life. That’s the only part of it you can control anyway.

By: Seductress

Seductress — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:06:25 +0000

Hi That_Guy…..To answer your question, considering it was the first time I had backed out from seeing him, he very well may have thought nothing of it and wished me a good time. However, I would have continued the same behavior until he DID notice and either ask me about it or do something about it on his own.

When a man notices something is off without the woman nagging or complaining and HE chooses to bring it up verbally, he is much more geared in to the “talk” because he has initiated it. Because there is something HE is not happy with.

If he never noticed or cared that my time with him diminished due to his friends constantly hanging around, well, then I’ve learned something about how he values time with me (useful information if I don’t ignore it).

By: That_guy

That_guy — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 19:23:52 +0000

Out of curiosity, what would you have done if he had said, “Sure, babe, you have a great time out. Have fun at the movie.”, and been all nonchalant about it?

By: CJ

CJ — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 15:15:14 +0000

On the surface ‘inflicting pain’ seems like game playing but because the goal is to benefit the relationship at large, I’m all for it and should have used it in past relationships.

In the past when I felt taken for granted, I pushed harder out of insecurity that I was loosing a man’s interest, now I realize that probably made me even more unattractive and what I should have done was pull back.

Great advice!

By: MidoriLei

MidoriLei — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:27:00 +0000

As always, you give great advice! It’s so easy to take each other forgranted when you’re in a committed relationship.You give strangers your best and the person you say you love the most, they get the leftovers:( And it’s such a subtle transition, it’s good to be mindful! Thanks for your insights!

By: George

George — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:20:44 +0000

This is so true. But I do believe it goes both ways. Women often will stop taking care of themselves, and become complacent in their committed relationship as well. I believe that every relationship could benefit by keeping each other on their toes!