I finally met “Email man” in person. We’d been pen pals for a year and I gave him support and advice as he navigated the first year of his life post divorce. He told me about the women he met, I told him about the men I dated and we both appreciated the perspective of the opposite sex and complete honesty because our friendship was so removed.

I wondered if meeting would be a good idea because throughout the year he’d make comments from time to time that made me wonder if he held the thought that our “friendship” could grow into more. General positive comments about my personality or outlook on life….but nothing overt.

During our evening, which was at a local dance club with a group of friends, I felt more and more his attraction to me. I had learned enough about him throughout year to know that while he’s a great guy, he’s not for me. I didn’t go into our meeting with any thoughts of him other than a friend, but my fear that he would be coming with some hope was confirmed.

He touched me a lot, complimented me in a round-about way, “I’m attracted to women like you who X, Y, Z…” and describe something about me he liked. By the time the night was over he suggested we try dating. I told him that I truly don’t think of him that way and like being just friends. I also reminded him that I’ve told him many times before I’m not looking to blend my son with a man with young kids. He has 3 young ones. He played devil’s advocate and basically argued each point I gave him and WHY I should look at it different and see it his way.

*Word of wisdom–if you have to “talk” someone into dating you, it’s probably not going to work.

When he realized I wasn’t responding the way he’d hoped, he started “busting my balls” so to speak. Criticizing things about me: the car I drive is not “green” and is socially irresponsible,  I’m so skinny, not many men find that attractive (but he does), he wasnt’ crazy about the jeans I had on….

These were peppered in at the same time with self-compliments. Making sure I knew how many women find him attractive, how he didn’t make it to the men’s room without being stopped and asked to dance…

It was so transparent and boring and sad and I instantly regretted meeting him in person and wanted to put him back in his cyberspace box.

“Email man” is back in his box but I realize he has to go. He continues to try to make this friendship more than I want it to be and it just doesn’t make sense to continue it.

I guess this woman and man cannot be “Just Friends.”

7 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by lisaq — May 21, 2009 @ 6:11 am

   Yikes! No, I think not. You definitely don’t want to have to try to talk anyone in to dating you. A very bad sign. He definitely needs to go!

2. 

   Comment by George — May 21, 2009 @ 4:32 pm

   I think woman and a man can be friends as long as he’s not a looser like that guy. He was selfish and only thought of his own feelings and could care less that you told him you were not interested…that is incendential for he is and that was all that mattered. Guys and gals can be friends as long as there is not an attraction and you both know where the other stands and respect that. I’m glad he’s back in the box, but you are right…he needs to be tossed out like a bad milk.

3. 

   Comment by That_guy — June 10, 2009 @ 4:25 pm

   http://www.xkcd.com/513/

4. 

   Comment by Walkonby — June 18, 2009 @ 7:39 am

   Beautifully written, I can almost taste the scathing remarks after you tell him you’re not into him like that,lol, well done.

5. 

   Comment by sleek — June 18, 2009 @ 11:07 am

   “Email man” was prolly following a script…and not reading the situation. He’ll eventually get it…eventually

6. 

   Comment by CJ — July 2, 2009 @ 7:03 pm

   Terminate him. He’s not very nice!!

7. 

   Comment by Anne — July 3, 2009 @ 5:06 pm

   I think men or women who act this way don’t have many other options….

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