Comments on: “Think” Your Way To Dating Success

By: Layla

Layla — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:16:29 +0000

What I think is that people should look for partners who are just like them, and not try to change for a while into a “better self”, because the old self returns anyway some day in the future, and the partner will eventually see who you really are. I think it’s better to let the other see your bad side, and accept you the way you are for real, and not to play a different person.
I’ll give you an example: my husband. He changed only during the “hunting” period. He changed himself in order to impress me and marry me, and after only one year of marriage, he turned into a totally different person. And he blames it on me, he says it’s me who has to change now. That is why I am seriously thinking of a divorce after three years of living together. So… everything you said would be correct with a condition: once someone changes into a “better self” as you said, he or she should stick to that better self and never change back to the old self. Otherwise he or she ends up losing everything. In books they say it’s possible but… is that possible in the real life ?
Now I am wondering… how many people can change and stay “changed” for good?
You said “the physically fit hottie may be looking for his equal and not be attracted to someone who cares less than he does about his health and fitness.” That’s perfectly true! But that girl who wants to be with him, and starts losing weight, can she stay fit for the rest of her life, while being married to him? I don’t think so. She will most probably put back all that weight because that’s actually the way she is. That change is only temporary.
Also the girl with $10,000 in credit card debt. That’s a life style! People who have debts, have always had debts, and will always have debts. Because they can’t control themselves. If they change, it will be only for a while, and after that the bad habit will be back. When I said all of the above, I did not refer to exceptions. I know, and I am sure there are people out there who can change and stay changed for good. But how many? 1 in a million, in a billion?
So, I think those girls or guys who like junk food in front of the TV should stop dreaming about the neighbor next door who spends 3 hours a day at the gym! They should better look for someone just like themselves: not as “fit and hottie” as you said…. but ready to join them on eating junk food in front of the TV.

By: CJ

CJ — Sat, 16 May 2009 01:24:08 +0000

So true. Everyone always agrees that you have to work on who you are inside first, but then don’t. Old habits die hard. Many people agree but then continue to look for that feeling they get from someone else to make them feel better. Hunter is right, the lesson usually doesn’t get truly learned until somewhere around 40.

By: The Seductress

The Seductress — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:58:19 +0000

Hunter, “men find out about choices and power, after turning 40 years of age..” yes, I think this is true of women too. You are right, human behavior is not always logical. I guess that is what makes is magical at best and a nightmare at worst.

By: hunter

hunter — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:45:06 +0000

I like motivational books and have read some, until recently, when I found out, books on making the initial approach caught my mind. Human behaviour can be really interesting, and it is not always from a logical point of view(on account of most men operating from logic)

By: hunter

hunter — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:39:23 +0000

Yes, men find out about choices and power, after turning 40 years of age..

By: The Seductress

The Seductress — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:19:54 +0000

Lisaq, Yes, all success comes from within first, then what you do with what you find…

Midorilei, Great article!

Hunter, I don’t believe in assigning fault or feeling bad, I believe in choices and personal power.

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 05:11:43 +0000

I used to feel bad about myself/dating/relationships, until one day, I sought a therapist, who made me see, I wasn’t always at fault.

By: MidoriLei

MidoriLei — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:19:41 +0000

Sooo true!!! This goes in line with this article I wrote a while back:

You attract who you are:

http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/you-attract-who-you-are_43/

Thanks for the always inspiring and motivating articles!

By: lisaq

lisaq — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 10:55:41 +0000

“Most of the time ladies, dating problems are not about men.” So very true and yet much of the time we blame our dating problems on bad luck or there being no good men out there. We first have to look within, to ourselves, to find the man we want in our lives.