From the French, literally translated “I know not what”.

It’s an intangible quality that makes something attractive or alluring.

 

Seduction is all about je ne sais quoi.
It’s about confidence, intelligence, wit and beauty.

 

Being clever and crafty, sexual and haunting.
The way a woman carries herself with a glow of inner peace and tranquility.

 

Je ne sais quoi

 

I was out to dinner the other night at a local 4 star restaurant.

The décor was beautiful the staff gave exceptional personal attention, the food exquisite.
It wasn’t very crowded so I noticed a couple who walked in and was seated near my table.

 

He was an older gentleman, very well dressed and on his arm was a lovely younger woman also very nicely dressed.

By her appearance alone, she looked quite elegant.
But as I watched them periodically throughout the evening, she became less attractive by the minute.

                                                                                      

No make-up, fur, perfectly coiffed hair or Jimmy Choo shoes could hide the fact that she had not the etiquette, manners or presence to match her looks.

 

She laughed too loud for the quiet ambiance of the room. Her elbows were on the table often and something about her mannerisms and the way she slouched took away from her beauty.
Any one of these qualities was fairly subtle (there are times it’s ok to have your elbows on the table) but together they immediately reduced her initial poise.

 

A woman can appear on first glance to have it all, but all it takes is one missing ingredient or one blatant disregard for important ‘set apart’ qualities and her seductive flame quickly burns out.

 

Proper etiquette and manners are sorely missing in today’s world.
So much so that when interacting with someone who possesses both impeccably, that person stands out, leaves an impression, Wows us.

 

Many years ago I noticed this first hand.
I attended a  party where the average age of the attendees was 22 therefore portraying proper etiquette and manners was not a huge priority for any of us.
We were a laid back bunch drinking beer out of the bottle and eating chips out of plastic bowls.

 

However, a young man caught my eye.
He was sitting on the couch with the most perfect posture I had ever seen.
This man stood out.
He was cute, dressed better than the rest of the jersey clad boys paying attention to detail with a tucked in oxford, belt and sweater.
All that was good, but there was more.

 

He captivated my attention.
No matter where he was, or what he did; walk, stand or sit he did it with presence.
Presence that came from his upright, perfectly straight posture that said, “I am here. I know who I am and I own this space.”
He looked confident and sure and much more mature than the rest of us.

 

I was drawn to him.

 

When the opportunity presented itself, I told him that I’d never seen anyone with such perfect posture.
How was it that he never slouched, scrunched or twisted….ever?
I was actually envious.

 

He proceeded to tell me that his posture was no compliment of his own effort.
He couldn’t slouch if he tried.
He had been in a car accident that almost killed him and now lives with his spine completely fused together.

 

He also added that he gets compliments ALL THE TIME on his posture and joked that at least one good thing came from the accident.
It was amazing because he didn’t look forced, stiff, or fused to me.
He carried it naturally.
It made him look handsome, classy and WAY more attractive than the other beer slugging boys at the party.

 

He also stated that because of his posture, “People usually notice me and they don’t usually forget me.”

 

I’ll be introducing a series of articles on Etiquette and Manners with lots of good tips you may already know and possibly some that you don’t.

 

Without a working practice of both, you won’t be able to exude that certain something,

that ‘I know not what’,

the very seductive je ne sais quoi.

 

5 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by Dating Goddess — February 10, 2009 @ 11:47 am

   You are so right! Not that I am a manners queen myself, but I do notice. For example, on my first date Sat. night, the 49-year-old man asked me which fork to use for his salad. I’m not a snob (I hope!), but I’d hope by nearly 50 the man for me would know that detail. If he had other alluring qualities I could easily overlook a forgotten cutlery protocol. But, as you point out above, his posture was slouchy when standing and sitting and there were other things that cumulatively made me decide this was a one-date only encounter.

   Unfortunately, most of us don’t have a mother around to correct or remind us anymore, so our bad habits become engrained. So how can we become aware of off-putting behaviors that we don’t know we’re doing?

2. 

   Comment by George — February 10, 2009 @ 7:08 pm

   Yes Seductress…I agree with you here again. I can’t tell you how many women and men lack in the classic manners department.

   I think what it comes down to is that people tend to be lazy. It takes effort and work to be classy and well mannered. But it pays off. I’m looking forward to hearing your tips!

   The power again is how you think rather than how you may feel, once you see the changes in how people view you…the feelings will come naturally.

3. 

   Comment by Tina T — February 12, 2009 @ 7:34 pm

   I’m so happy that you defined Je ne sais quoi, I obviously didn’t pay enough attention in French class. For me it totally sums up that spark when you meet someone and it just cannot be defined.

   I also agree on the manners. Manners and chivalry are very important to me. I think that’s part of what moved my husband from the cute guy category into the husband material category for me.

4. 

   Comment by The Seductress — February 19, 2009 @ 10:04 pm

   Welcome Tina! Yes, “spark” is a great way to put it.

   Dating Goddess, I think your date would have been better off to say nothing and watch to see which fork you used… Yes, all these little things matter to the whole picture that we see in others and how WE are seen.

   The Seductress

5. 

   Comment by hunter — February 20, 2009 @ 12:33 am

   He didn’t know which fork to use?

   Two thoughts come to mind:

   Some men need to know when to keep their mouths shut.(for some men, on the first three dates, anxiety levels are very high)

   Some men are clueless.

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