If you want a second, third and fourth date, be careful what you talk about on the first. One wrong comment and instead of his being seduced by your beauty, charm and personality he’s recoiling and looking for the door or forming an unintended impression.

 

We all know how important first impressions are. And because this is so, the pressure to make a perfect one can often backfire on us.

 

Preoccupation with how we are perceived often results in nervousness which begets a forced or artificial persona, overdoing it, bragging, talking too much or about the wrong subjects.

 

Take a deep breath and remember you are not running for the presidency. Your only job on a first date is to relax, enjoy yourself and above all portray a light, easy going, positive attitude.

 

Here are some specific topics to avoid:

                                                                                                                

Your Ex- This should be a given. Don’t complain about your ex, discuss the reasons for the breakup, whine about all the terrible things he did to you or in an attempt to show how strong you are brag about how you ‘weren’t going to take that crap anymore’, so you threw him out.

 

Don’t regale him with the ‘worst date’ stories you’ve had.
Nor should you prattle on about all your great dates and the wonderful places they have taken you.

 

He doesn’t want to hear about it. It’s not classy or seductive. It’s boring.

 

Sex- Unless you want to steer the date into sexual territory with the plan of getting some at the end of the evening, don’t talk, joke or hint about sex.

 

He’s likely going to be thinking about sex anyway without your help, so if you initiate sexual conversation or encourage his innuendo he’s going to think you are probably open to more than just conversation.
If you are not interested in getting horizontal in the very near future, don’t attempt to titillate him as a way of keeping him interested.

 

Seduction is about BEING sexy, sensual and alluring. It’s about mystery; exuding sexuality with your body language and expressions.
Overt sexual talk in the beginning will cheapen and diminish feminine mystique.

Dirty talk when you are in a relationship certainly has it’s place, but that is another post.

 

Anything Self Deprecating- Don’t talk about diets, cosmetic surgery, any perceived flaws you have physical or otherwise, health concerns or complaints, unresolved emotional baggage, or phobias.

 

Some people throw these things out there to seem more down to earth, or think it’s better to lay everything out on the table in an effort to ‘be honest’.

 

Remember that the person across from you is a virtual stranger.
At this point, revealing negative information about you is not attractive, nor is it his business.

 

Money or Career and Accomplishments- It’s one thing to mention what the two of you do for a living, but don’t spend too much time on business. We spend so much time at our place of business, and working on our career and goals that the last thing you want to do is make the date feel like a business lunch or networking connection.

 

Dates are the time to escape all of that. To laugh, have fun; be swept away from the grind. You don’t want his brain in business mode. Nor do you want him thinking you are overly interested in his social status.

 

Don’t ask him what kind of car he drives, what neighborhood he lives in, or how much anything costs. And don’t try to impress him with all of your degrees, accomplishments or money either.

It’s not sexy and it winds up looking insecure.

 

Politics and Religion- Enough said.

 

These should be obvious hot button topics to avoid and/or tread carefully through but a little reminder never hurts.

 

See these articles for more Dating Mistakes and also Dating DOs.

 

 

 

 

11 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by Mike — January 27, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

   Please no self-deprecating. I don’t think people realize they are putting themselves down so much.

2. 

   Comment by lisaq — January 28, 2009 @ 6:51 am

   I think it’s important not to get into anything too heavy on the first date. Long discussions about what you want in life or what you are looking for in a relationship might be better saved for a later date. Keep things light and playful on the first date.

3. 

   Comment by The Seductress — January 28, 2009 @ 9:19 am

   Mike, I once dated a man who often said, “You can have anyone you want, I can’t believe YOU like ME”. I thought he was a great guy, but after awhile I began to think that if he had a hard time believing he was worth it then maybe he wasn’t…

   Lisaq, I agree. Women more than men I think can get heavy. Maybe because we are natural born talkers and relationally driven. Keeping it light and being in the moment are the best things to remember.

   Seductress

4. 

   Comment by the Datective — January 28, 2009 @ 1:39 pm

   Great blog! I think if you take away accomplishments or exes AND self-deprecating remarks, most people have nothing to talk about. It’s definitely a higher call to be interesting One of my latest dates not only talked about exes, he mentioned them by their first AND last names!

   Oh and here’s one more category for you - sound effects. As in I’ve had men grunt and bark at me on dates. Perpetrators differ, but the horror remains the same. Please ask your readers to obtain from scaring your date with un-human sound effects!

5. 

   Comment by Mike — January 28, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

   LOL. I think I tried to date his sister. It was online dating a while ago. She was already saying how handsome I was and it was okay if I didn’t write back soon since I must be so busy on all my dates.

6. 

   Pingback by How Do I Talk Dirty To My Lover — January 28, 2009 @ 2:05 pm

   [...] The Seductress Within, Topics To Avoid On A First Date Seduction is about BEING sexy, sensual and alluring. It’s about mystery; exuding sexuality with your body language and expressions. [...]

7. 

   Comment by George — January 31, 2009 @ 1:17 pm

   Boy was this a good topic. I think people do think that they are being open and honest and have no idea that they are being scary instead. I’ve had women do all of the above mentioned and it’s a turn-off. I’ve also had women talk all about themselves and not ask me one thing about me. I find that disturbing.

8. 

   Comment by pleapenub — April 23, 2009 @ 7:13 pm

   I’m the only one in this world. Can please someone join me in this life? Or maybe death…

9. 

   Comment by -NN- — July 31, 2009 @ 11:02 am

   I use all of those - to get rid of man that I am not interested in
   - to scare a guy away so that I don’t have to say that “no thanks, I don’t find you attractive”.

   So few men are really worth meeting second time, but I don’t want to say what I really feel about them. Easier…

10. 

    Comment by erapMayomyvom — August 14, 2009 @ 3:09 am

    This look interesting,so far.
    If there’s anyone else here, let me know.
    Oh, and yes I’m a real person LOL.

    See ya,

11. 

    Comment by Danika Rudel — April 2, 2010 @ 7:54 pm

    thanks lots, I am obliged to comment that your site is brilliant!

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