I met a man via online dating about a year ago. We emailed a few times but we never had the chance to meet in real life because at that time I had already been dating “Sail Man” (marriage minded #2) for a couple of months and was about to enter an exclusive relationship with him.

Here are the facts:

• I kept in touch with “Email Man” and quickly discovered that I would not have been interested in him anyway.
• He wasn’t even officially divorced yet and had some other life issues that needed ironing out before he’d be a good candidate for anyone in my opinion.
• I told him so gently and caringly and we’ve been just friends via email ever since.
• He has had many casual meetings with women trying to get his feet wet after a very long marriage but realized I was right about his readiness for dating and hasn’t pursued anyone with any seriousness.
• He asks my opinion about some of the women he meets.
• As part of my research, I’ve picked his brain about the male animal as well.
• Everything about our interactions screams “Platonic”. No flirting.
• We only email a few times a month.
   

So here we go….He has invited me to meet him at a restaurant where his friend will be the night’s entertainment. He says he really wants to finally meet me so he can pair a live personality to my emails.

I don’t have the details yet; whether he’ll be with a group of friends or we’ll be one on one.

I said yes for a few reasons:
 

• I’m curious to see him in person too.
• An evening out just plain sounds like fun.
• He knows I don’t think of this as a date.
• He knows we are just friends.
   

But it’s the age old question. Can men and women really be just friends?

I have no feelings or intentions. There are things about him that genuinely disqualify him as a candidate for me.

Nor do I have any reason to believe he is interested in me, but I don’t KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt what he’s thinking or may begin to think if we bring our friendship into real life… 

Of course I have had male friends before but some had confessed years later that they always secretly wanted to sleep with me.

Does that mean we really weren’t “just friends”?

Anyway, we are meeting this Sat, the 10th. I’ll let you know how it goes….

                                                                                               What do you think?

10 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by Anne — January 5, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

   Well as Harry told Sally…”The sex thing always gets in the way.” Why exactly do you want to see him Saturday?

2. 

   Comment by Mike — January 5, 2009 @ 9:20 pm

   I’ve always had more women friends than male so I would say yes. It helps to have the sex thing out of the way.

3. 

   Comment by George — January 7, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

   I think men and woman can be friends, but lets make something clear as we’ve been talking about on line dating. If I’m on line looking for someone to date or any other dating service, the last thing I want to hear is “lets be friends” I didn’t go to the dating service, or whatever, to make friends I went to find someone to complete part of me that wasn’t completed. Therefore I would rather here that you are not intersted in dating then lets be friends. Outside of the dating realm, I definatley think men and women can be friends…I like Mike have plenty of women friends.

4. 

   Comment by James — January 7, 2009 @ 4:29 pm

   Yes I do believe that men and woman can be friends, as long as they both are aware that friends is what it’s going to be.

5. 

   Comment by AgtShadow — January 7, 2009 @ 4:52 pm

   Yes, if they’re both on the same page (which is almost never). If not, the friendship is doomed. The sex thing will get in the way. While I don’t necessarily agree with it 100%, see ladder theory for more on this topic.

6. 

   Comment by Joe — January 8, 2009 @ 6:38 pm

   If neither the man nor the woman wants to sleep with (or is attracted to) the other person, then sure, they can be friends. Why not?

7. 

   Comment by The Seductress — January 8, 2009 @ 7:21 pm

   I think we all agree that it’s possible if there is no attraction on either’s part, and sure hope it goes that way for me because I’d like to hang out occasionally in real life with this man, but familiarity has a way of growing attraction where there priviously wasn’t any.

   From my own experience, I’ve had male friends who I didn’t even find all that attractive at first but the male/female energy eventually got the best of me and my mind did travel to lusty thoughts. I’d never have acted on them as we made good friends but would have made a disaster as a couple, but nevertheless I think familiarity does that.

   Seductress

8. 

   Comment by Karl R — January 9, 2009 @ 6:43 pm

   I have an ex-girlfriend that I’m just friends with. We dated for 8 1/2 months. We had sex. We still find each other attractive. But we’ve moved on. I don’t have any expectation that we will have sex ever again. It’s not a motive for remaining friends with her. We’re just good friends.

   I have another friend (and dance partner) that I went out with once. It never went anywhere … I think it’s because the age difference bothers her. I’d certainly be willing to pursue a relationship with her. It’s even possible that she’s changing her mind about the age difference. (A week ago I had an arm around her, and she stuck her hand in my back pocket.) But I don’t fantasize about having a relationship with her. Either we do, or we don’t. For now, we’re just friends.

   As long as two people are willing to have a friendship without trying to turn it into a romance, I’d say it’s possible to be just friends.

9. 

   Comment by hunter — February 24, 2009 @ 10:32 pm

   Some friends get sexual..men are supposed to initiate, most men leave nothing to chance.

10. 

    Comment by That_guy — June 10, 2009 @ 4:50 pm

    http://www.laddertheory.com/

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