A Book Review of:
Date or Wait: Are you ready for Mr. Great?

Author: The Dating Goddess
Website: DatingGoddess.com

 

Beginning to date again in midlife after a long absence is not unlike looking down from the front car of a roller coaster at the top of that first drop. You know there will be twists and turns, you know some of it will be exhilarating, some of it scary; you’ll definitely laugh, maybe scream and maybe sometimes cry. But the Dating Goddess is here to remind you that it is always one heck of a ride.

 

And she should know. After dating 91 different men in 3.5 years she has much wisdom and encouragement to pass on.

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What’s absolutely necessary in becoming a seductive person is weeding out any negative attitudes you carry that are roadblocks to possessing, harnessing and exuding your sexual energy. Seductive sexual energy is free flowing. It’s electric and magnetic and you are the conduit.
If the conduit is blocked, the energy’s not flowing and neither is the seduction.

 

Do you carry anger, fear or resentment toward the opposite sex? Do you blame men for past hurts that YOU won’t let go of? Are you controlling, needy, and insecure or untrusting?

 

All of these qualities are cancerous to the inner peace and balance required for seduction. No matter how well you imagine that you are hiding them, you’ll give off negative vibes that men will sense causing them to loose interest in you.

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If you want a second, third and fourth date, be careful what you talk about on the first. One wrong comment and instead of his being seduced by your beauty, charm and personality he’s recoiling and looking for the door or forming an unintended impression.

 

We all know how important first impressions are. And because this is so, the pressure to make a perfect one can often backfire on us.

 

Preoccupation with how we are perceived often results in nervousness which begets a forced or artificial persona, overdoing it, bragging, talking too much or about the wrong subjects.

 

Take a deep breath and remember you are not running for the presidency. Your only job on a first date is to relax, enjoy yourself and above all portray a light, easy going, positive attitude.

 

Here are some specific topics to avoid:

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“My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We have no major problems other than things have gotten a little dull. We fell into a routine, which on the one hand is kind of nice because we are comfortable and know where we stand with each other but on the other hand things are starting to get boring.

If I feel it, I know he can.
We call each other every day to touch base with usually a text in the morning and call at lunchtime. We see each other as often as we can, maybe three or four times a week. Even sex has fallen into a pattern. That might be my fault because I’m a little insecure with my body. I don’t initiate sex; I wait for him to do it. He has expressed to me that he would like me to initiate sex sometimes. I just don’t feel very sexy or confident about my body. I love sex with him but I don’t take control.

I’ve been reading your blog and I realize that I am very confident at my job but not confident sexually. I know he loves me but I want to shake things up and ‘rock his world’ but I don’t know how.”

~Sarah~

 

Sarah,

When I ask men what makes a woman sexy the most common answer has been “If she thinks she’s sexy”, or a variation “When she feels sexy on the inside, it shows on the outside”.

 

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Here is a recent question from a reader:

 

Everything a man does while you are getting to know him gives you invaluable information about who he is, what’s important to him, and what you can expect more of in the future.

                                                                                              

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I broke up with “Sail Man” a couple of months ago. I’m ready and excited to begin dating again but for awhile there I was quite content to be alone, reflect on our relationship and just plain enjoy the sudden burst of free time that was previously filled with him. Ours was an eight month relationship  but even if you have been short term dating several different people of the course of a few months or a year its a good idea to give yourself a break from time to time to reassess, regroup and reorganize.

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Well, I have yet to meet “Email Man” in person. Our evening was cancelled because we were hit with a snow storm that dumped 6 inches of snow on us within 5 hours. The roads were terrible and the salt and plow trucks would not have been out until late into the night. I would have forged ahead, (yes, that’s how badly I need a fun night out-more on that later) but Email Man called to tell me everyone was bailing out because of the weather.

 

As it turned out, there was going to be a group of 9 for dinner, drinks and dancing.

We are going to try and re-schedule.

 

What did I do instead?

I slipped into my warmest, cozy lounge clothes and mixed myself my signature drink. 

The seductive, classy and incomparable “Dirty Martini”.

 

It’s difficult to find a great Dirty Martini in clubs and restaurants.

They invaribly make them too dirty (dirty=olive juice) which ruins the drink. And if you order a Dirty Martini and request that it be made “extra dirty”, well, that’s a dead giveaway that you shouldn’t be drinking them anyway.

 

It’s overwhelming how many Martini recipes there are. It’s not easy to find the perfect mix to suit your tastes. But I found mine….

 

My Perfect Dirty Martini:

 

• 2 1/2 oz. Grey Goose Vodka
• 1/2 oz. Vermouth
• 1/2 Olive Juice
• Straight up, Shaken not Stirred (Like Bond)
• Garnished with 3 Blue Cheese Stuffed Olives

Every seductress needs her own signature drink. Now let me say here-an ice cold beer on a hot summer day is wonderful, fabulous, and I love it, but we are shooting for something more here. Something pretty, feminine, classy…you get the idea.

 

It doesn’t have to be an “adult beverage” either. If you don’t drink alcohol try any non-alcoholic Spritzer, Daiquiri or Sparkling Wine. Your signature drink becomes unique to you; part of your personal style. It should be served in an attractive glass and you should feel sensuous slowly sipping it. Especially if you lock eyes with your target while doing so.

 

Of course there is nothing more romantic than sharing a bottle of red wine, good conversation and great food (you know I love to eat) with the man I’m seducing, but other times…….I just have to get “Dirty”.

 

What’s your signature drink?

Humans have many basic needs: food, water, shelter. Touching and being touched may be just as important.

 

Here are some facts about touch:

 

• There are 50 touch receptors every square centimeter of skin.
• We have 5 million sensory cells.
• Bodies release the pleasure and stress reducing hormone oxytocin when touched.
• Studies have shown that in the absence of touch people of all ages can become sick, depressed and immune compromised.
• Infants deprived of touch can wither and even die.

 

Touching and being touched is an important part of relationships, increasing intimacy, warmth, feelings of connectedness and pleasure. It’s a way to convey understanding and compassion between friends, or love and passion between lovers.

 

Seductive people use the power of touch to communicate more than mere words ever could. Not all touches have to lead to sex. Here are some sensual touches to remember when your relationship is not yet sexual:

 

• Find excuses to touch him. Straighten his tie or gently pick something off of his clothes, then before you remove your hand, lay it open palm on his chest for a few moments.
• Hook you arm around his and put your head on his shoulder.
• Hold hands.
• Rub the back of his neck and play with his hair as he’s driving.
• Give him a good strong hug. Men often feel that women don’t touch them firmly enough; make sure he feels it.
• Don’t let your hands go idle when you kiss. Run them up his arms to his shoulders. Use your fingers on his neck and hair.
• Cuddle up against him while watching a movie.

 

When you are in a sexual relationship:

 

• Continue to do all of the above.
• Give him a body massage.
• Have sex….a lot!

Seductresses, you might want to consider choosing to wear a “little red dress” instead of a black one for your next date.

A recent study suggests that wearing red can unconsciously make a man more attracted to you.

 

Studies show that when men were presented with photos of women under a variety of color presentations, the women who were wearing red or surrounded by a red background were significantly more sexually attractive to them. The men were also more likely to treat them to a better or more expensive outing.

Other interesting findings:

 

• The color red only incresed men’s perception of the women’s sexual attractiveness. It did not change how they rated the woman’s likability, intelligence or kindness.
• The color red only affects men, when women rated other women, perceptions of attractiveness did not change.

 

The studies support what our society has already known; the color red has long been associated with love, romance and passion but they also suggest that men’s response to red has bilologcal roots.

“Research has shown that nonhuman male primates are particularly attracted to females displaying red. Female baboons and chimpanzees, for example, redden conspicuously when nearing ovulation, sending a clear sexual signal designed to attract males.”

Check out the article.

 

For myself, I have seemed to receive more compliments when wearing red. I have always believed it is because red compliments my coloring, I am a fair skinned brunette. But now I wonder?…..

Seductresses? Have you noticed receiving more attention while wearing red?

 

I met a man via online dating about a year ago. We emailed a few times but we never had the chance to meet in real life because at that time I had already been dating “Sail Man” (marriage minded #2) for a couple of months and was about to enter an exclusive relationship with him.

Here are the facts:

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