Don’t accept a date for the weekend after Wednesday. If you accept weekend dates on Thursday or Friday, he relaxes because he’s learned he doesn’t have to plan ahead. Consequently dating you becomes less exciting. When you do turn him down, don’t tell him that he should have called earlier, just say “I’d love to but I have other plans.” He knows what he has to do. If he wants his chance, he’ll plan accordingly and chasing you is being seduced by you. <– I have to say, when I would call a woman on Thursday and want to go out on Saturday or Sunday, and she declined, then I would call someone who DID want to go out and was available, and my attitude was, well, it’s the first woman’s loss. You might think of it as, well, he should be pursuing more, he should be the one doing all the work, and he should call earlier in the week to set a time, but you know, sometimes the weekend becomes unexpectedly free, and some guys don’t jump through the hoops that women set.

This is a bonus to a naturally busy woman as well. Showing she has a life and is interesting. What many women (who begin to get excited about a man) do however, is start rearranging thier schedule to accomodate HIM, drop things from her life, working out, girl’s night outs, to make more time for HIM. I suggest she resist that urge. Even if she could realistically pick up every time and make every date request, she shouldn’t. Is that a game to create illusion? Perhaps, it’s intent is more to force her to keep her own balance and not loose herself to her new man. Both of which are attractive to him.

I see it as a matter of balance. The woman doesn’t want to appear desperate OR disinterested. To a certain (though lesser) extent, the same applies to men.

I don’t answer my phone (home or Blackbery) all the time either. I lead a busy life, so I’m rarely at home. I’ll often turn my Blackberry off (for yoga, dance class, choir rehearsal, church service, or a date) or I’ll ignore it (while dancing, in a meeting, or having a conversation). I’m not trying to create an ILLUSION of being busy and interesting. I’m just busy … and hopefully interesting. As a bonus, I don’t have to invent a reason why I didn’t answer my phone (if she asks).

If I try to schedule a date on short notice, I expect there’s a high chance that the lady is busy. But if the lady tells me she has other plans, I expect it’s because she has other plans … not because she’s trying to prove a point. By Thursday, I want her to have some plans for the weekend that don’t involve me. If a lady says, “I already have plans for that day. Could I get a rain check?” I’ll definitely be asking her out again … soon.

Regarding my example, I had received repeated “disinterested” signals from Ms. Buenos Aires (too “swamped with work” to go out, excessive delay in returning messages). That’s why I was surprised by the two overt signals of interest.

Absolutely, a woman needs to give a man indication that she is interested. However, many women who feel a strong attraction to a man have the opposite problem, they give too much indication. And when his guard goes up thinking she is more interested in the fantasy of a relationship than she is in him, it can put him off and kill some of the attraction he may have started to feel.

I’m not advocating playing games or feigning complete indifference; just being cool and in control.
Revealing too much + Being too available = Boring.

It’s human nature; when someone appears too eager and available it translates into desperation and that is unattractive. Answering the phone every time he calls by the second ring and being available each day he requests will probably make him start to think, “Gee, does she have a life?” or worse “If I am in a relationship with her will she follow me around like a lost puppy?”

Remember, this article is about the early dates, 1-4. The getting to know you time. Men know that most women are looking for relationships and when they are excited about a guy are usually ready much faster than men.
The men I’ve talked to complain about women who want to be exclusive in one or two weeks. They also don’t understand why after a couple of great dates, she drops the other men she was seeing to focus solely on him. It puts pressure on him he might not be ready for and lessens her attractiveness.

As far as your exotic beauty; she may be a woman who is naturally cooler, taking her time with the men she dates, or dating other men as well and not sure how she feels. I don’t know.
To me, “explicitly asking you to get in touch with her to go out” doesn’t sound like playing hard to get but if you have felt her disinterest in other ways over a couple of months time, your plan to not invest as much sounds reasonable to me.

The Seductress

This kind of thing can easily be overdone. I believe a woman who is interested needs to give enough of an indication that she’s interested. If a man is pursuing a woman who is showing little to know interest in him, he’s a Stalker, not a Hunter.

I’m openly dating a few women currently (while trying to determine if any of them have long-term potential). One of them may be playing hard to get. But twice in the last two months I’ve come to the conclusion that she was not interested, so I stopped asking her out or contacting her. Both times I ran across her a few weeks later, and she explicitly asked me to get in touch so we could go out again.

I don’t know whether this woman is interested or not. I assume she isn’t, but I’ve asked her out a few more times because her mixed signals have made me curious. On the other hand, I won’t invite her to anything that involves tickets in advance (there’s a good chance she’ll cancel). And asking her out is far lower priority than going out with the other ladies I’m dating.

This week I’ve asked her out to lunch (2 minutes to type the e-mail, 1 hour if she accepts the invitation), because that’s all the effort I’m willing to put in when I believe she’s not interested.

This particular lady is gorgeous and exotic (from Buenos Aires). If I thought she was interested, she’d be worth spending a lot of time and effort on. Instead, I’ll spend most of my (limited) free time on women that I know are interested in me. I’ll let some other man chase the unobtainable prize.

I have made the mistake of taking her for granted on the weekends and she said that she had plans…I also had a woman who’ve I’ve called on Friday for Saturday and she accepted, I was more interested in the first than the second woman. Make me think you have more debt than sitting around waiting for me to call, because the lord knows when a woman goes out on a date with me…I know she thinking of me, whether she shows it or not.

James