When a woman is interested in a man, her feelings can get in the way of what she knows a seductress would do and it’s easy to make dating mistakes-Anti-Seductive mistakes- that make his interest wane instead of build. And since most of the women he dates are doing these things, he’ll view you as one of many instead of a unique and seductive creature that he can’t get out of his mind.

Dating Mistakes Women Make:

Revealing too much- Many anti-seductive women in a hurry to create a connection reveal too much personal information. Dating is not therapy. Don’t get into your troubled childhood, problems with your ex, why you broke up, family problems, addictions, or financial stresses. And stay off the subject of sex and your feelings.

The early dates (date 1-4) should be kept very light. You should be happy and easy to be with. Let him lead the conversation and laugh at his jokes. Topics should include careers, music preferences, favorite movies, hobbies, current events, sports, where you grew up, family, travel…you are engaging but aloof and mysterious. You’re not an open book; he doesn’t learn anything heavy which makes him want to know more.

Staring at him with Goo-Goo Eyes-Men are very sensitive to this. Good eye contact is important. You should give him your undivided attention but if you are very attracted to him you may make the mistake of giving him “Romance Eyes”. The long, gazing looks that tell him you are picking out the kitchen wallpaper.

A seductress makes a man feel like he can’t quite catch her which makes him want to keep chasing. If your attraction is very strong, keep it under control; be nonchalant so he cannot detect it. He should have no idea where he stands with you just yet-it will make him want you more.

Dressing too Sexy-Wowing him with sheer clothing, extremely short skirts or a lot of cleavage is a huge mistake. Men will love to look at the show and some will stick around long enough to sleep with you, but they’re NOT going to consider you a serious candidate for a relationship. Dressing sensuous, always feminine and accentuating your best features shows you don’t rely on sex and that you are a woman in control. He wants to wonder what is under those clothes.

Paying for Dates or Going Dutch-It’s not about money, it’s about chivalry. A real man will want to plan the date, pick you up (or if you are meeting somewhere, drive to your side of town to make it convenient for you), open doors, and pay your way.  Your date should want to treat you like a lady, feel like a man and be happy to use his funds to be in your presence and show you a nice time.

 A seductive woman doesn’t feel guilty about a man paying for her even if she earns more income than him. Don’t offer to pay half or offer to drive to his side of town. Later when you are dating regularly you can reciprocate by cooking him dinner at home, taking him out for dessert, buying the popcorn at the movies or baking for him.

If a man requests that you pay half, do so very happily and never see him again. If he is stingy while dating, he’ll be stingy throughout the whole relationship and it will show up in other areas of his personality.

Being Too Available-Don’t see him more than once or twice a week in the beginning. A seductive woman has a busy life: friends, hobbies, and other men chasing her! Don’t stop living your usual life to make room for him. Not being available sometimes is very, very seductive. It will increase his interest and desire and give his mind time to fill itself with images and thoughts of you. Over exposure kills seduction. 

Don’t accept a date for the weekend after Wednesday. If you accept weekend dates on Thursday or Friday, he relaxes because he’s learned he doesn’t have to plan ahead. Consequently dating you becomes less exciting. When you do turn him down, don’t tell him that he should have called earlier, just say “I’d love to but I have other plans.” He knows what he has to do. If he wants his chance, he’ll plan accordingly and chasing you is being seduced by you.  

                                                                                                                   What do you think?

7 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by CJ — December 17, 2008 @ 12:53 pm

   I hate to say it, but I’ve done a few of these. It makes sense too. I have noticed that it’s usually the men I’m NOT all that interested in that keep coming after me. Maybe that aloofness is attractive. Maybe it makes men feel comfortable to come after you if they think you’re not obsessed with a relationship and don’t think you’ll be hinting at marriage in a week!

2. 

   Comment by James — December 29, 2008 @ 10:01 am

   Be a classy, elegant, woman. I couldn’t agree with you more, Miss Seductress! I cannot stand when women do the whole women’s movement thing and get all bull dike on me and won’t let me pay for dinner, get annoyed when I’ve opened doors for her etc…Let a guy pay for the evening, otherwise I should have gone on a date with another guy!

   I have made the mistake of taking her for granted on the weekends and she said that she had plans…I also had a woman who’ve I’ve called on Friday for Saturday and she accepted, I was more interested in the first than the second woman. Make me think you have more debt than sitting around waiting for me to call, because the lord knows when a woman goes out on a date with me…I know she thinking of me, whether she shows it or not.

   James

3. 

   Comment by Karl R — January 6, 2009 @ 10:34 am

   A couple of these pieces of advice sound like “playing games”. This may work with some men, but have the opposite affect on others. I specifically am referring to the one where you advocate pretending to be nonchalant and the one where you advocate sending every 2nd or 3rd call to voicemail.

   This kind of thing can easily be overdone. I believe a woman who is interested needs to give enough of an indication that she’s interested. If a man is pursuing a woman who is showing little to know interest in him, he’s a Stalker, not a Hunter.

   I’m openly dating a few women currently (while trying to determine if any of them have long-term potential). One of them may be playing hard to get. But twice in the last two months I’ve come to the conclusion that she was not interested, so I stopped asking her out or contacting her. Both times I ran across her a few weeks later, and she explicitly asked me to get in touch so we could go out again.

   I don’t know whether this woman is interested or not. I assume she isn’t, but I’ve asked her out a few more times because her mixed signals have made me curious. On the other hand, I won’t invite her to anything that involves tickets in advance (there’s a good chance she’ll cancel). And asking her out is far lower priority than going out with the other ladies I’m dating.

   This week I’ve asked her out to lunch (2 minutes to type the e-mail, 1 hour if she accepts the invitation), because that’s all the effort I’m willing to put in when I believe she’s not interested.

   This particular lady is gorgeous and exotic (from Buenos Aires). If I thought she was interested, she’d be worth spending a lot of time and effort on. Instead, I’ll spend most of my (limited) free time on women that I know are interested in me. I’ll let some other man chase the unobtainable prize.

4. 

   Comment by The Seductress — January 6, 2009 @ 1:32 pm

   Karl,

   Absolutely, a woman needs to give a man indication that she is interested. However, many women who feel a strong attraction to a man have the opposite problem, they give too much indication. And when his guard goes up thinking she is more interested in the fantasy of a relationship than she is in him, it can put him off and kill some of the attraction he may have started to feel.

   I’m not advocating playing games or feigning complete indifference; just being cool and in control.
   Revealing too much + Being too available = Boring.

   It’s human nature; when someone appears too eager and available it translates into desperation and that is unattractive. Answering the phone every time he calls by the second ring and being available each day he requests will probably make him start to think, “Gee, does she have a life?” or worse “If I am in a relationship with her will she follow me around like a lost puppy?”

   Remember, this article is about the early dates, 1-4. The getting to know you time. Men know that most women are looking for relationships and when they are excited about a guy are usually ready much faster than men.
   The men I’ve talked to complain about women who want to be exclusive in one or two weeks. They also don’t understand why after a couple of great dates, she drops the other men she was seeing to focus solely on him. It puts pressure on him he might not be ready for and lessens her attractiveness.

   As far as your exotic beauty; she may be a woman who is naturally cooler, taking her time with the men she dates, or dating other men as well and not sure how she feels. I don’t know.
   To me, “explicitly asking you to get in touch with her to go out” doesn’t sound like playing hard to get but if you have felt her disinterest in other ways over a couple of months time, your plan to not invest as much sounds reasonable to me.

   The Seductress

5. 

   Comment by Karl R — January 7, 2009 @ 7:17 pm

   Seductress,

   I see it as a matter of balance. The woman doesn’t want to appear desperate OR disinterested. To a certain (though lesser) extent, the same applies to men.

   I don’t answer my phone (home or Blackbery) all the time either. I lead a busy life, so I’m rarely at home. I’ll often turn my Blackberry off (for yoga, dance class, choir rehearsal, church service, or a date) or I’ll ignore it (while dancing, in a meeting, or having a conversation). I’m not trying to create an ILLUSION of being busy and interesting. I’m just busy … and hopefully interesting. As a bonus, I don’t have to invent a reason why I didn’t answer my phone (if she asks).

   If I try to schedule a date on short notice, I expect there’s a high chance that the lady is busy. But if the lady tells me she has other plans, I expect it’s because she has other plans … not because she’s trying to prove a point. By Thursday, I want her to have some plans for the weekend that don’t involve me. If a lady says, “I already have plans for that day. Could I get a rain check?” I’ll definitely be asking her out again … soon.

   Regarding my example, I had received repeated “disinterested” signals from Ms. Buenos Aires (too “swamped with work” to go out, excessive delay in returning messages). That’s why I was surprised by the two overt signals of interest.

6. 

   Comment by The Seductress — January 8, 2009 @ 12:10 pm

   Karl,
   Yes, balance. “I’m not trying to create an ILLUSION of being busy and interesting. I’m just busy … and hopefully interesting. As a bonus, I don’t have to invent a reason why I didn’t answer my phone (if she asks).”

   This is a bonus to a naturally busy woman as well. Showing she has a life and is interesting. What many women (who begin to get excited about a man) do however, is start rearranging thier schedule to accomodate HIM, drop things from her life, working out, girl’s night outs, to make more time for HIM. I suggest she resist that urge. Even if she could realistically pick up every time and make every date request, she shouldn’t. Is that a game to create illusion? Perhaps, it’s intent is more to force her to keep her own balance and not loose herself to her new man. Both of which are attractive to him.

7. 

   Comment by That_guy — June 10, 2009 @ 4:38 pm

   As someone who did a TON of online dating last year (54 dates in a year, sounds like a movie), I quickly was able to pick out the girls who used The Rules, and they didn’t get very far. Some of these are from The Rules.

   Don’t accept a date for the weekend after Wednesday. If you accept weekend dates on Thursday or Friday, he relaxes because he’s learned he doesn’t have to plan ahead. Consequently dating you becomes less exciting. When you do turn him down, don’t tell him that he should have called earlier, just say “I’d love to but I have other plans.” He knows what he has to do. If he wants his chance, he’ll plan accordingly and chasing you is being seduced by you. <– I have to say, when I would call a woman on Thursday and want to go out on Saturday or Sunday, and she declined, then I would call someone who DID want to go out and was available, and my attitude was, well, it’s the first woman’s loss. You might think of it as, well, he should be pursuing more, he should be the one doing all the work, and he should call earlier in the week to set a time, but you know, sometimes the weekend becomes unexpectedly free, and some guys don’t jump through the hoops that women set.

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