The answer is simply…NO. I realize that sounds antiquated to many. Women have been running companies, governments and their families all at the same time for years. They’ve been setting goals for their lives and making proactive choices to achieve them.

 

Men and women alike appreciate the opportunities and choices women now have. It’s a fact that women have changed and changed for the better.

 

But biologically men haven’t changed all that much. Men, generally speaking, are still very much the same. They are achievers and goal oriented by nature. They love the challenge of getting what they want. In life, in buisness and in love. They love not knowing if they will get what they want and they love the feeling of success when they finally do. They love the hunt and the chase after all of their goals including you.

 

Again I say generally speaking. I realize some men are different (lazy) and I’ll tell you why those are the men you don’t want anyway.

                                                                                                            

 

I’ve read the advice in many a book and website suggesting to women that waiting for a man to come up and talk to them is equivalent to the dark ages when men hit a woman over the head with a club and carried her off. It’s said that if you wait for him, you are powerless.

 

We’ve been told that men like us to approach them first. And some actually do. The lazy ones who want to come by women easy. They will take what comes their way. If a woman is going to make it easier for him to meet/date/sleep with her, what’s not to like? But you want him to desire you madly, not “like” that you made his job easier.

 

When women approach men, it may be a temporary ego boost but it’s not the thrill he’s wired for and he knows immediately that this is not his dream woman. She’s not the woman he’ll swim through shark infested water for. His dream woman is the one he WANTS to approach, chase, work for, impress, win over, fall in love with, protect and treat like his queen. Her value is obvious and high the moment he lays eyes on her because she doesn’t make it easy for him or any other man by chasing after them.

 

No, allowing men to be men and approach you first does not mean you don’t have power.

The fact is that giving a man room to do what God wired him to do (spot you, want you, and come after you) is the power position. If you are not interested in him, you can decline.

 

Power, not weakness.

 

And more importantly, you’ll know without a doubt that HE IS INTERESTED IN YOU or he wouldn’t have chosen you and approached you.

 

Don’t you want to be chosen? Don’t you want to know that he was so smitten with you that he had to meet you? He made the effort because he wanted to. He found a way to approach you, meet you, talk to you because you were attractive and interesting enough to him. Now it’s his job (a job he loves by the way) to woo you, to win you, to impress you and he loves not quite knowing if he’ll succeed.

 

Do you want to be the woman who approached him, initiated the conversation, kept it going to show him all your fabulous qualities and hoped he found you attractive? Let’s say he did find you attractive when he first noticed you across the room. Either he wasn’t into you enough to cross the room to approach you (in which case, why would you want him?) or he may have intended to approach you before the night ended but you lowered your value as a prize to be won by usurping him. You took the thrill away.

 

So there you are anyway showing him how interested YOU are in HIM. And no doubt you are cute so he says to himself, “Hell, she’s into me, I’ll go with it”.

 

So you have a few dates and you’re not sure how he feels but since you are the “liberated woman of today” who makes her destiny happen, you plan dates, call him, leave cute messages on his voice mail, try to wow him with great sex, continue to be the pursuer because that is the dynamic YOU set up from the moment you met and you’ve convinced yourself that it turned him on.

 

In reality, he can sit back, enjoy the ride and decide slowly while having sex with you if he really likes you or even wants to keep seeing you. Because since he didn’t approach you first, you’ll never know if he was all that interested to begin with.

 

When it doesn’t work out, you decide it just wasn’t your destiny and approach the next hot, available man you see because you are a woman who goes after what she wants.

 

In my article “Reasons Why He Doesn’t Approach You”, I listed a couple of reasons why a man who is interested in you might not approach. If eye contact and a smile (Don’t do more than that) doesn’t bring him forward, the ONLY other things I’d consider is to make sure he has room to approach.

 

If you are talking with other men throughout the night, make sure that they don’t monopolize all of your time. Separate yourself periodically so that he has an opening. Or place yourself near him. Don’t gawk, or keep looking, or keep smiling.

 

Don’t make excuses for him like he’s shy, insecure, intimidated, or has issues. Simply remind yourself that if a man is too shy, insecure, intimidated or riddles with issues…YOU DON’T WANT HIM ANYWAY.

 

Don’t turn into the pursuer and take his fun away by approaching him first.

 

You are the captivating, self assured, seductive woman who chases no man. Men chase you!

 

 

                                                                                                What do you think?

6 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by gifted_adult — January 31, 2009 @ 6:47 pm

   Hello there!

   That article is one of the most generalized i ever seen!

   “I realize some men are different (lazy) and I’ll tell you why those are the men you don’t want anyway.”

   Some are maybe lazy, and some are more sophisticated and requires sophisticated (different) approach!

   Times are changing, as we do, and my humble opinion is - there’s no rule who will/must approach first! Oh yes, and the most important fact is that usually some of most quality man are unobtrusive… and the story begins…

2. 

   Comment by That_guy — June 10, 2009 @ 4:45 pm

   Hmmm, it seems that women want to have their cake and eat it too. I’ve seen cases where the women are afraid of rejection, so they use “I want the man to ask” as a fall back excuse.

   It’s like women want to be treated equally in all ways… except dating, where they want to have all the control.

3. 

   Comment by Sandy — May 20, 2010 @ 10:51 am

   I believe in exactly what you are saying, regarding men. There is a man @ my gym, and he is hot!!, handsome, and I find him very attractive, but, should I advance to him, and cut thru the chase. NO WAY…. I want a man to come to me, and woo me, and seek me. Not every other, little girl that wooos over him. I stand out to him, I know, because, he can’t take his eyes off of me. I am a secure, confident woman, who knows what she wants. I am willing to wait, and the get the best. Men, have to look, and think, and mull it over in their cavemen heads, I know that is exactly what this man is doing. Everyday, he is coming in a little earlier to the gym, and watches me. It’s like I am his interest, and he is waiting for the opportune time to pounce., He is good to daydream about, and it if does not come to fruition, he loss, not mine.

4. 

   Comment by The Seductress — May 20, 2010 @ 11:04 am

   Amen Sandy, and welcome.

   All you have to do is give him some eye contact and most importantly, smile. That is his welcome mat to approach!

5. 

   Comment by hunter — June 25, 2010 @ 10:53 pm

   Sandy, your admirer may be one of the many men, with a low sex drive. This type of man, may never approach you.

6. 

   Comment by Bronze — July 18, 2010 @ 6:27 pm

   Equal rights has nothing to do with relationships. Sorry. I appreciate the feminist movement for what it did for women in terms of giving us more autonomy in our lives and not having to depend on a man to survive….but society can change all it wants, men and women are still gonna be the same.

   I completely agree with this article, I was raised to believe the same thing. My daddy taught me this logic and it is true. That’s why I’m so thankful I had my dad around to put me on some game because he’s gonna tell me what a man REALLY thinks, and what do ya know, everything your post says goes along with that! (I wanted to add my father approached my mother and chased and pursued her before they got married)

   There are 2 types of women: women who chase men and women who get approached by men. A lot of guys will tell girls that they should do the approaching, and if I was a guy I’d probably be doing the same thing too. Why not up your chances of girls (possible sex partners) coming to you? But that doesn’t really benefit most women.

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