Did you ever notice that often it’s not physical attributes that make people attractive but the way they carry themselves? Sometimes a physically average looking person becomes very attractive from the confidence they exude. They are the ones who are obviously comfortable in their own skin. They have an air of self reliance and control. People are drawn to them, they seem capable and assured.

If you want to be a captivating woman, you must find and own your unique personal style. And wear it with confidence. When I say “style”, I mean the inner qualities that make you original. Your preferences, convictions, talents, interests, quirks and capabilities.

 While our outward “packaging” is important (clothes, grooming, the dos and don’ts of flirting and behaviors), if you don’t genuinely like yourself, feel good about who you are inside and walk through your life with positive energy, you will feel and look like an imposter. So love yourself, because you are worth it.

How to become more Confident 

Many things can zap self confidence: stress, poor health, work demands, financial or family problems. And when they occur, we just don’t feel on top of our game. What we must realize is that while feelings come and go and change with the given day’s circumstances, self confidence is deeper. It’s a belief and an attitude about our inner capabilities, resilience, drive, talents and God given gifts. Our self worth at its core.

It’s easy to become tripped up by our outward circumstances and allow our feelings drive our beliefs about ourselves developing into low confidence. The good news is, with some simple techniques, we can bolster our self confidence so that we can exude joy, peace and self worth no matter our outward circumstances or temporary feelings of the day.  

Let go of the Past- We all have things in our past that we wish we could change. Perhaps childhood pain, a broken relationship, or personal regrets still affect you today. Sometimes we use that burden as an excuse to not truly experience today because we are afraid of risking more pain or failure. But if all of our time is spent focusing on what has happened in the past, we miss experiencing the joy and opportunity of what is happening today. Usually wallowing in the past is a choice based in fear. You have to decide if you want to face your fear and live the gift of life you were given today. Let go and move on.

Set Goals- Organize your desires into a written list. They may be minor things like “clean my closet”, to major things like “change jobs”, or “improve my health”.  Then break down each goal into smaller steps. Give yourself reasonable timetables to accomplish each small step toward your goals and check them off along the way. As you see the progress you’re making toward your goals and ultimately completing them you will feel more confident.  

Recognize your Strengths- Everyone has unique talents. Everyone is good at something. Give yourself credit for those things and celebrate them. Remind yourself each day what you do well and recognize the importance of what you offer to the world. You may be a great cook, listener, party planner or organizer. Ask your loved ones what they think your strengths are. You may be surprised.

Give time to your Passions- Prioritize your time so that you can feed your passions. Do you love books but never have time to read? Would you like to learn something new or take a class? Join a gym? Sometimes we are so busy giving to work and family that we stop giving to ourselves. We may feel it’s selfish to take time away from other obligations to indulge ourselves. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Self confidence comes from within where our passions and zest for life live. If we feed our passions, we feed our self esteem.

Express Gratitude– The more time you spend thinking or talking negatively about yourself, the worse you will feel. That habit will constantly reinforce negative feelings, further breeding negative beliefs. Just stop. Each time you notice a negative thought, stop and give thanks for three blessings you have in your life. Say them out loud. The next time you notice a negative thought, say three more.

Smile- Smiling, even when you don’t feel like it, effects the way you feel. Try it. Smile at yourself every time you pass a mirror. When you are in public, smile and meet the eyes of everyone you pass. Behaviors and expressions connect with emotions and are contagious.

Affirmations- The energy we put out into the universe comes right back to us. If we put out negative energy about ourselves, we will receive negative energy. Each of the steps above will help change the energy you release. One of my favorite ways to change energy output is to say affirmations. Write down statements you want to be true about yourself as if they already are true and repeat them everyday. For example: “I am confident and self assured”, “My confidence draws positive people toward me”, “I am grateful for my talents and abilities”.

3 Comments »

1. 

   Comment by hunter — March 15, 2009 @ 9:53 am

   Yes, all of the above..

2. 

   Pingback by The Seductress Within » “Think” Your Way To Dating Success — March 20, 2009 @ 10:59 am

   [...] Confidence is a Choice Not a Feeling [...]

3. 

   Comment by Love — November 3, 2009 @ 7:37 pm

   I love this advice. It’s really helpful to improve one’s self-confidence. Keep it up!

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