If you have ever wondered what a speed dating event was like but was too nervous or intimidated to try, GO FOR IT!

Last night, a group of men and women gathered at a local Starbucks to meet each other for a series of 6 minute mini-dates and I was one of them.

 

This particular event had been re-scheduled a couple of times for lack of participants. Summertime, vacations, economy or whatever has lowered the number of signups but usually, these events bring  from 12 to 18 or more couples a time.

 

Ours was a smaller group, 5 women and 5 men but still worth it as I met some interesting people and always enjoy stretching myself outside of my comfort zone.

 

When I arrived, the attendees were gathering in the back of Starbucks checking in. The hostess told us to go purchase something to drink, if we’d like, and we’d be starting promptly at 7:00 pm.

Events are held at coffee shops, upper scale restaurants, trendy clubs…pretty much anywhere the host or hostess feels would be a good environment for people to meet and mingle.

 

We all received nametags with our name and a number printed on them and the ladies were told to take a seat at one of the two person tables. The ladies would stay at the same table all evening while the men would get up and rotate for each ‘date’.

 

At each table were preprinted cards and pens. The card was numbered with spaces following each number. When you meet each date, you write their name next to their corresponding number.

 

There was also a space to write notes about that person. Anything that stood out about them that you liked or perhaps didn’t like that would help you remember them later.

Then there were two boxes, “Let’s talk” and “No thanks” for you to circle.

 

After the event, you take your card home, sign in online at the website you registered for the event, and enter your match selections. The person’s name is listed online with a ‘yes’, or ‘no’, next to it.

 

Once you have entered your match selections, the men/women who want to see each other again, will be notified by email. If someone chose you, but you did not choose them, you are notified by email and have 5 days to reconsider them and vice-versa.

 

The interesting stuff….

 

The theory is that people can generally tell within 3-5 minutes if they have initial, general attraction to each other. Therefore, with speed dating, you have the opportunity to meet many people in one evening, instead of spending an evening with only one man/woman to find out that you feel absolutely zero chemistry.

 

Speed dating is a light, casual, fun, no pressure venture and it works. Our hostess, a married woman, has been hosting events for over three years. She is a busy, working woman with a life of her own but continues to host speed dating events because as she puts it, “I love to see the positives that come from it”, “I believe in it because I’ve seen couples find each other and I’ve seen marriages happen”, she went on to say that, “Everyone comes with a positive attitude and has fun with it”, and “everyone is always welcoming and polite to each other”.

 

And let’s face it, to attend a speed dating event, you have to search online for one in your area, register and pay a fee, (I paid $35.00), save the date, get dressed up, bring your smiling face and show up to spend 6 minutes with as many men/women who came. Then you have to login online and fill in your match selections. If someone were not all that serious about finding a partner, they wouldn’t put out that effort. At least not more than once or twice.

 

Our hostess said that one man who was supposed to have attended our event was called out of town on business. She said he is an attractive, professional man and has attended several of her events. He hasn’t met the one yet, but keeps coming back because he loves the ability to meet so many women at once, in person. He doesn’t care for the impersonal quality of online dating and picking someone up at a nightclub is not his style.

 

And this is what I found to be true. Genuine, friendly and outgoing people….I admit, I wondered what the women would be like. Would they be catty, flashing each other competitive glances and sizing each other up? No, these women were friendly and kind and even before the event we all started chatting with each other, the men too.

 

One women I spoke with said she attended another event and found the same thing, “The women were all friendly and kind to each other with no snarky attitudes, I was so pleasantly surprised.”

 

On to the dates….while I DID, in fact, know in 3 minutes or less that there were no love connections happening for me, I met some interesting men. When you sit for 6 minutes with a stranger, you become acutely aware of your own body language and theirs. This was the most interesting part for me. I tend to watch body language anyway because it speaks volumes more than words, and perhaps because we all knew we had limited time, our bodies unconsciously spoke-up more than usual perhaps.

 

You can ask and share whatever you want and if you have deal breakers, it might be a good time to get it out there. One man sat down with me and immediately asked if I was a smoker. Clearly a deal breaker for him.

 

Of the questions asked of me, the ones that stand out are:

 

What do you do for a living?

What are your vices?

What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Why did you get divorced? (not a question I’d recommend)

 

And the question I liked the most….What is the one thing about you that you’d like me to know?

I liked that question so much, I asked it of the following men who joined me.

 

At the end of each 6 minute date, the hostess rings a bell and the men rotate to the next woman.

 

After the event all the ladies decided to walk down to the restaurant/bar that was in the same strip mall. We were strangers with one thing in common, we were all single, working women looking for eligible men to date. And that was enough to begin friendships.

 

The men must have overheard our plans, because after 5 minutes of taking our seats, they all walked in and joined us. We had a fun and lighthearted evening continuing to get to know each other and if my high powered body language perceptions are accurate, I think I detected one match forming out of our group!

 

 

How about you? Ever try speed dating? What did you think?

 

The psychological kind, not the S&M kind…(that’s another post)!

People won’t fully appreciate what they have if they are allowed to take it for granted.

 

 

If you feel you are in a situation where your man is getting too comfortable or taking you for granted, you may need to shake his confidence a little.

                                                                            (more…)

In Part I, I talked about the importance of a “connection” with your partner as the basic ingredient for a great kiss. But how do you make a connection?

 

In order to do that the first thing you have to do is forget ‘technique’, relax, breathe and desire to experience this kiss, with this man this moment.

 

 

In this way, there is no ‘right’ way to kiss. Your desire to give and receive a great kiss is wanting to experience it WITH him not DO a technique TO him.

 

 

Our society in its quest for great sex focuses highly on technique and while some basic technical information is valuable, the over abundance of it kills intimacy in my opinion. The bottom line is each person comes with different preferences ‘technically speaking’ and you have to get to know your partner in order to find out what sparks him anyway. A mind focused “put A here while doing this to B” blocks your ability to focus on your partner and learn about his unique sexual identity.

                                                                                               (more…)

The hot and seductive movie “Bull Durham” has a great quote that comes from Crash Davis (played by Kevin Costner) who says…

 

 

“Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch…. and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

 

 

I couldn’t agree more!

 

Seriously, of all the sexual things two people can do, kissing tops out as the most sensual, intimate, vulnerable, erotic and telling.

 

 

Our kissing style gives our partner messages about us, our mood, out intention, and our sexual identity…..

Since most communication is non-verbal have you ever received or given any of these kinds of kisses?

                                                                                                         (more…)

It’s a question that is discussed and debated all the time.

And there are about as many ways to answer the question of “who pays” as there are people who answer it.

 

We’ve heard the many opinions……

 

“Whoever asked for the date pays.”

“The man pays.”

“The man pays for the first date, afterwards paying should be shared.”

“The man pays until there is a commitment.”

“Men and women should go Dutch.”

“Men and women should take turns.”

“Whoever grabs the check first should pay.”

“Men should pay for most of the dates, women should reciprocate sometimes.”

 

The fact is; there is no right or wrong answer.

People have different ideas of how “money” will be used and disbursed in their dating lives.

And each of the above possibilities comes with meaning, hidden agendas, and/or expectations.

The trick is to find someone with whom you click with-on this issue as well as all the others.

 

I’ll tell you what I believe.

                                                                                                   (more…)

I finally met “Email man” in person. We’d been pen pals for a year and I gave him support and advice as he navigated the first year of his life post divorce. He told me about the women he met, I told him about the men I dated and we both appreciated the perspective of the opposite sex and complete honesty because our friendship was so removed.

 

I wondered if meeting would be a good idea because throughout the year he’d make comments from time to time that made me wonder if he held the thought that our “friendship” could grow into more. General positive comments about my personality or outlook on life….but nothing overt.

 

During our evening, which was at a local dance club with a group of friends, I felt more and more his attraction to me. I had learned enough about him throughout year to know that while he’s a great guy, he’s not for me. I didn’t go into our meeting with any thoughts of him other than a friend, but my fear that he would be coming with some hope was confirmed.

                                                                                                                             (more…)

It was happy hour at a local restaurant the other day when a cute, all American girl walked in and strut past to join a group of gals. She was wearing tight jeans tucked into knee high black high heeled boots, a multicolored knit top that had cap sleeves and was loose around the body but had a band sewn around the bottom so it fit snug around the waist. She wore long thin chains around her neck that hung to her navel and several metal bangles.

 

Her long blond hair looked backcombed and sprayed for height, she had a decent amount of well applied makeup and perfectly manicured nails painted bright pink. An over-sized yellow leather bag slung on her shoulder.

 

I heard a comment coming from one of the men seated near me at the bar as she past.

“Trying too hard,”  he said.

                                   (more…)

I’ve mentioned my friend Anne before….her divorce is almost final and a friend wanted to set her up to meet a nice doctor pal of hers. Anne gave this lady permission to pass on her number.

 

Said man, we’ll call “No voice Vinnie” texted her one day introducing himself and asked if she’d like to get together for a drink sometime.”

 

Assuming he was at work since it was the middle of the day and thought he probably couldn’t talk, didn’t think much of the fact that a man she’d never met reached out for the first time to introduce himself- WITH A TEXT, and texted back that yes, she would.

 

He texted back that he was going on vacation in a matter of days but would like to get together when he returned. She texted that would be fine and to CALL her when he got back.

 

Awhile later, he texted again and said that “tonight was open if she could swing a last minute drink”. She actually could be free for a short time for a quick one so they made plans, VIA  TEXT, to meet later that evening.

 

20 minutes before they were to arrive at the restaurant, he texted her the following:

                                                                                                         (more…)

I’ve talked a lot about setting your goals and establishing a clear picture of what you want in a man.

 

I found this awhile back and thought it was interesting. The list is very comprehensive. The more things a man can check off of this list shows his experience, bravery, knowledge and competency.

 

And he’ll have a few amazing stories to tell I’m sure.

Thought you might like to check it out. http://lifestyle.msn.com:80/your-life/bigger-picture/articlepm.aspx?cp-documentid=11258170

 

Here’s the list:

                                                                                                     (more…)

I’m reading a motivational book entitled “Lead the Field” by Earl Nightingale. It’s a fascinating book laying out a model for success in any area of one’s life.

 

In it he teaches a lesson we have all heard before from the self-help community: What you think is what you become. In fact, “You are the living embodiment of the sum total of your thoughts to this point in your life; you can be nothing else.”

 

That quote actually made me quite uncomfortable. Although I “know” that to be true intellectually and believe it, I also like to blame. I like to blame circumstances, other people’s behaviors, the economy, my current problem, my upbringing, my genetics, my education or lack thereof as convenient excuses for any goal or achievement I “say” I want but am not working toward or accomplishing.

                                                                                                 (more…)

Previous Posts »